How to handle a cheating Partner or Lover? (Boyfriend or Girlfriend) (Husband or Wife).
Being cheated on is an awful feeling, but how you handle it can have a big part in your recovery process. Whether you try to rebuild the relationship or you decide to end things, learn how you can heal and move on.
Reestablishing Trust.
Decide if you want to re-establish trust. When a partner is unfaithful, it is a serious breach of trust. And it is something that may indicate that this person is not worthy or capable of a healthy relationship. On one hand, good people make bad choices and if they are truly sorry and can make amends, forgiveness can lead to an even better relationship. On the other hand, if you simply cannot trust that person again, the relationship is effectively dead. Some key things to consider:
- Is your partner truly sorry?
- Did they voluntarily tell you, or did you find out from someone else?
- Has this sort of behavior happened before, or has he or she promised to not do it, and it has continued or gotten worse?
- Is this part of a larger picture of poor behavior towards you?
- Is your partner willing to take steps to mend the relationship (if you decide you want to go that route) such as marital counseling, quitting a job, moving, etc.?
- Do you feel you want to trust this person again? There is no right or wrong answer for this. This is entirely up to the person who has been cheated on. It does not matter if the person who has cheated is sorry, made amends, and so on — this can be a deal breaker plain and simple. Feelings may change with time and further experience with the cheating partner. It can go one way or the other. This is natural.
Well-meaning friends and relatives may want to give simple advice to make a quick, definitive decision. Be aware that you do not have to make a decision right away in most cases. It is your life.
Understand the nature of your partner’s cheating.
People cheat for many different reasons and it is not always about sex. Sometimes people cheat because they are seeking an emotional connection, trying to deal with a loss or crisis, or seeking an escape. This is not an excuse or reason for the behavior, however.
Do not assume that your partner’s cheating was all about sex. Find out why they cheated before you move forward. Try telling your partner, “I need to know why you cheated and who it was. Please be honest with me and tell me what happened.”
Be aware that they may not really know why the infidelity happened. They may not really have deeply thought about it, or even if they did, they still may not really know why. And there may be reasons not fully understood by the person. This does not excuse it, but realize “I don’t know” may be the honest answer. Some common reasons include:
Attraction to a different person.
A desire for attention, excitement, or novelty.
A troubled marriage: poor communication, stress in the marriage, partners growing apart.
If the person’s parent was unfaithful (especially the same sex).
The individual comes from culture or subculture that expects and tolerates infidelity.
Mental illness or disorders. People who cheat are not mentally ill, but a mental illness such as bipolar disorder, depression, or even severe attention deficit disorder can all contribute to poor decision making.
Request that your partner cut off all communication with the third party.
The third (or even fourth or fifth) party needs to be out of the picture for the relationship to survive. Boundaries were breached, and they need to be re-established in a way that protects the relationship. That means asking your partner to break all ties with the person. This severing may be difficult if the third party is a coworker or someone else that your partner sees on a daily basis.
This may require a change in lifestyle, such as quitting a job, the softball team, or moving to a new town.
If the relationship was of a very close family member (such as a sibling), this can be extremely awkward and difficult. Not only is your romantic relationship damaged, but close family relationships as well.
If your partner is unwilling to cut off contact with the third party, it may be a sign that they are unwilling to stop cheating. In this case, you may not be able to repair the relationship.
If the third party continues to pursue your partner despite being cut off, you and your partner may want to pursue a restraining order to keep this person away from you both.
Request that your partner cut off all communication with the third party.
The third (or even fourth or fifth) party needs to be out of the picture for the relationship to survive. Boundaries were breached, and they need to be re-established in a way that protects the relationship. That means asking your partner to break all ties with the person. This severing may be difficult if the third party is a coworker or someone else that your partner sees on a daily basis.
This may require a change in lifestyle, such as quitting a job, the softball team, or moving to a new town.
If the relationship was of a very close family member (such as a sibling), this can be extremely awkward and difficult. Not only is your romantic relationship damaged, but close family relationships as well.
If your partner is unwilling to cut off contact with the third party, it may be a sign that they are unwilling to stop cheating. In this case, you may not be able to repair the relationship.
If the third party continues to pursue your partner despite being cut off, you and your partner may want to pursue a restraining order to keep this person away from you both.
Seek help from a counselor.
Dealing with a cheating partner on your own is difficult. If it is too hard for you and your partner to work through this process on your own, seek the help of a licensed counselor who specializes in marital issues. A marriage counselor can help you to deal with your emotions and have more constructive conversations.
Keep in mind that marriage counseling will not offer an instant solution. Reestablishing trust in your relationship will take time.
Marriage or couples counseling can also help make ending the relationship smoother. Although counselors tend to try to fix relationships, they can help the individuals recognize when it is not working, and how to move forward in that direction as well.
Desmond
Below is another way on How to handle a cheating Partner or Lover..
Ask your partner to make their whereabouts known to you throughout the day.
In order to reestablish trust, your partner will need to understand that they have lost your trust. For this reason, you will need to know where your partner is at all times. This may seem unfair to your partner, but it is necessary if they are committed to regaining your trust.
Take caution not to cross into being demanding or controlling when doing this. It’s fine to check with your partner about where they are, but it’s not healthy to flood them with texts or calls, nor is it okay to threaten them or the relationship if they don’t reply immediately. It’s understandable to be suspicious, but your behavior also needs to be appropriate.